Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

describes twenty-four conversations he and his good friend Germanus had with various spiritual mentors. One of the conversations was about friendship, and Aelred alludes it some half dozen times (1.38, 46, 55; 2.53; 3.7, 37, 62). Marsha Dutton’s edition of Spiritual Friendship identifies well over one hundred allusions or citations from these and other wise teachers of the church. The book for pastors that I mentioned at the beginning of this introduction ( On the Duties of the Clergy ), written by Ambrose, was a favorite of Aelred’s, and there are about forty allusions or quotations to it in Spiritual Friendship . Finally, Aelred did not simply study about Christian friendship in Scripture, in creation (reason), and in church teachings (tradition); he pursued and practiced spiritual friendship in his own life (experience). Aelred believed in community, and when he was a relatively young man he was attracted to a Christian community with a high vision of Christian friendship. This Cistercian community “by the grace and love of the Holy Spirit” was “made ‘of one heart and of one soul.’” 12 In this community he invested the next four decades of his life, and he became a beloved mentor and friend. There is perhaps no better testimony to Aelred’s skill as a friend than his own dialogue with his friends Ivo, Walter, and Gratian as described in Spiritual Friendship . Even a man like Walter, who must have been a very difficult person to get along with, was someone Aelred was able to love and befriend. 13

12 Walter Daniel, The Life of Aelred of Rievaulx, 98. 13 See for example how Aelred speaks to Walter in 2.1 and how he describes immature friends in 3.17.