Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

49. However, in this respect friendship is more praiseworthy and its virtue is more clearly proved, when a friend does not cease to be the friend he was, even to one who harms him: he loves the one by whom he is not loved, he honors the one by whom he is despised, he blesses the one by whom he is cursed, and he does good to the one who devises ruin for him ( Luke 6:28 ). xvi 50. GRATIAN: How then is friendship dissolved if such kindnesses must be shown to the former friend by the one who dissolves the friendship? 51. AELRED: Four considerations seem to hold especially in the case of friendship: love, affection, security, and delight. Friendship involves love when there is a show of favor that proceeds from good will. It involves affection when a certain inner pleasure comes from friendship. It involves security when it leads to a revelation of all one’s secrets and purposes without fear or suspicion. It involves delight when there is a certain meeting of the minds—an

agreement that is pleasant and benevolent—concerning all matters, whether happy or sad, which have a bearing on the friendship, everything that we teach or learn.

“Four considerations seem to hold especially in the case of friendship: love, affection, security, and delight.”

52. Do you see how one must dissolve friendship with those who once deserved it? Indeed, that inner delight one continually drinks in as though straight from the heart of a friend is removed; that security in which one reveals one’s secrets to a friend passes away; and the pleasure begotten by friendly conversation is set aside.