Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 2: The Definition and Origin of Spiritual Friendship (Book 1.31–71)

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ears and eyes, lusting through the highways and byways ( Num 15:39 ). Through these means—that is, through the eyes and the ears—the image of beautiful and desirable objects is brought all the way into the mind itself; and the mind considers itself happy if it can enjoy these things at its pleasure, although without an accomplice in its pleasure it thinks itself less happy. 3 40. Then, by gesture, nod, words, and indulgence, one spirit is made captive by another, and the one is enkindled by the other, and they catch fire together as one. The result of this wretched agreement, once made, is that the one will do or suffer anything that is criminal or sacrilegious on behalf of the other; both partners think that nothing is sweeter than their friendship, and that nothing is more just. By agreeing on “likes and dislikes” they believe they are guided by the rules of friendship. 4 41. And so this sort of friendship is not undertaken with forethought, nor approved by judgment, nor ruled by 3 Stories can help us picture examples of “fleshly friendships.” A biblical example is found in Amnon and Jonadab (2 Sam 13:3−5). Other examples include the story of Augustine and his teenage friends stealing and destroying pears for fun or a fictional example such as the two friends, Tub and Frank, who support one another in vices like secret gluttony and pedophilia. See Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions , trans. Maria Boulding, WSA (Hyde Park, NY: New City, 1997), 2.4.9; Tobias Wolff, “Hunters in the Snow,” in Perrine’s Literature: Structure, Sound, and Sense , eds. Greg Johnson and Thomas R. Arp, 12th ed. (Stamford, CT: Wadsworth, 2015), 79−93. 4 Aelred refers to a famous speech by Catiline who tried to overthrow the Roman Republic in 63 BC. When speaking to his supporters, Catiline is reported to have said, “I perceive that you and I hold the same view of what is good and evil; for agreement in likes and dislikes—this, and this only, is what constitutes true friendship” (Sallust, The War With Catiline , trans. John C. Rolfe, Loeb Classical Library (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1931), 4.20. Aelred refers to Catliline’s definition five times in Spiritual Friendship (see also 1.48, 2.28, 3.11, 3.124).