Healing the Wounds of Trauma

B. What is a good listener like? ❂❂ SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION With what kind of person would you feel free to share your deep pain? For people to feel free to share the deep wounds of their hearts, they need to know that the person: • Cares about them. • Will keep the information confidential (Pr 11.13). • Will not criticize them or give them quick solutions (Pr 18.13). • Will listen and understand their pain (Pr 20.5). • Will not minimize their pain by comparing it with his or her own. Church leaders can identify wise and caring people and train them for this ministry. Allow the hurt person to choose the one with whom he or she feels most at ease. C. How can we listen? The listener should let the speaker speak at his or her own pace. It may take several meetings before the whole story has been discussed. The following questions may help the listener to guide the person into telling their story:

1. What happened? 2. How did you feel? 3. What was the hardest part for you?

Show you are listening by responding in appropriate ways. This may be by looking at them, or by saying words of agreement like “Mmm.” Don’t look out the window or at your watch. Don’t seem impatient for them to finish. It is important to be sensitive to their culture as you listen. For example, eye contact when listening or speaking may or may not be appropriate.

28

How Can the Wounds of Our Hearts Be Healed?