Healing the Wounds of Trauma

• Older children may hurt themselves, for example by cutting their bodies or committing suicide.

3. How do we help children like Kevin? ❂❂ SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION How can we help children who have experienced bad things? A. We need to reunite the family, if possible, and re-establish routines. It is important that families be brought together quickly after the bad event, if that is possible. When the activities of each day are predictable, children recover more quickly. Each day Kevin should know what is likely to happen. He should be encouraged to go to school, do regular chores, and play with his friends. Part of the activities should be having fun together. This may be playing games or, if making noise is dangerous, telling stories. It is important to try to finish activities that have been started. This gives the child the sense that they are able to accomplish some- thing. It restores their sense of security. It helps them feel that the future is not out of control. If there is tension between the father and mother, the children will sense it. Parents need to resolve any tensions there might be between them, for their own sake and their children’s. B. We need to listen to their children’s pain. Children knowmore about what is going on around them than adults realize.They tend to fill inmissing information inwhatever waymakes sense to them. If they do not have a chance to talk about things, they may get very wrong, strange ideas in their heads. Even if parents are not used to talking with their children, it is very important that they do so when bad things are going on, as well as afterwards. Use the three listening questions—“What happened? How did you feel? What was the hardest part for you?” This is not the time to say, “Go away and play.”

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How can we help children who have experienced bad things?