Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

that the suspicious man is to be complimented, he complains that his friend is really making fun of him. 30. Also, I do not think that a talkative person ought to be chosen as a friend, because “should . . . a man full of talk be judged right?” (Job 11:2). The Wise Man says, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for he” (Prov 29:20). Therefore this is the sort of man you should choose for a friend: one who is not troubled by the fury of anger, nor divided against himself by instability; one whom suspicion does not wear out, nor talkativeness loose from the dignity that is customary among us. xiv It will be especially useful if you choose as a friend one whose character and nature fit your own. As the blessed Ambrose said, “Friendship cannot exist between those who are quite different in character, and so there needs to be a similar measure of goodwill on both sides.” 8 Aelred’s Spiritual Friends Are Not Perfect (3.31−38) 31. WALTER: Where then can such a person be found, who is neither prone to anger, not unstable, nor given to suspicion? (For I’ll grant you that whoever is too talkative cannot hide his vice.) 32. AELRED: I agree that it is difficult to find a friend who is not very often moved by these passions, but there are surely many who can be found to be superior to all of these. They are the sort who suppress anger with patience, who restrain flightiness by maintaining their dignity, who rid themselves of their suspicions by contemplating love. I should say that these most of all should be taken into

8 Ambrose, On the Duties of the Clergy , 3.133.