Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

hatred and their curses against their friends, slandering them on the street corners and whispering against them in the alleys, falsely excusing themselves and in the same fashion blaming others. 44. Therefore, if you have ended the friendship and are afterwards attacked in all these ways, “as long as the attacks are bearable they should be borne; and this honor must be paid to a former friendship, that he who commits an injury is to blame, not he who suffers it.” 6 For friendship is eternal, and so Scripture says, “A friend loves at all times” (Prov 17:17). If the person you love harms you, love him still. If he is such a person that you think your friendship with him should be withdrawn, still you should never withdraw your love for him. Be mindful, as far as you can, of his good; watch out for his reputation, and never betray the secrets of your friendship with him, even if he betrays yours. Reasons to Stop a Spiritual Friendship and Examples from Scripture (3.45−52) 45. WALTER: Please tell us those faults for which you say a friendship should be gradually dissolved. 46. AELRED: They are the five faults I described a little while ago, especially the betrayal of confidences and the hidden stings of backstabbing. To these I add a sixth. There is the friend who offends those whom you feel equally obliged to love, and who, though corrected, does not cease to be a cause of ruin and stumbling to those whose well-being is your proper concern—especially when the disgrace of his misdeeds touches you. For love

6 Ibid., 21.78.