Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 6: Testing Spiritual Friends (Book 3.39–75)

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immediately; the love of one person must not outweigh the harm of many. Great caution must be taken in the choice of friends if such problems are to be avoided in the first place. That is, you should choose as a friend one who is not compelled to such deeds by anger, whom fickleness does not drag down, who is not sent reeling by talkativeness, nor led away by suspicion. xvii Most of all, you should not choose as a friend one whose character and habits are very different from your own, or whose nature clashes with yours. 59. But because I am speaking about true friendship, which cannot exist except among the good, there cannot be any doubt about those of whom I have made no mention—the shameful, greedy, ambitious, or reproachful—that these should not be chosen for friendship. If you are satisfied with what I have said about choosing friends, let us move on next to the testing of friends. WALTER: This is opportune, for I’m keeping my eye on the door, expecting someone to interrupt us and put an end to our pleasure, or inject a note of sadness, or make some meaningless remark. [A sound from outside the room; Gratian goes to the door.] 60. GRATIAN: The steward is here; if we let him in, you won’t be able to go on any further. Here, I will watch the door; you, Father, continue on where you began. [Gratian sends the steward away, and rejoins the conversation.] Step 2: Test Your Friend on Four Character Qualities (3.59−61)