Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

is granted to a poor person is genuine, because a friendship with a poor person lacks the inducements to envy. xx (By this I mean not that we should check a potential friend’s social status, but that we should test his character.) Thus, one tests a friend’s intent. If you see that your friend is more desirous of your goods than of yourself, and if he is always after some benefit which your diligence can provide—honor, wealth, glory, or freedom—if for all this you prefer the friendship of someone worthier than he, or (to be sure) if you are not able to provide him with what he seeks, you will easily see his intent in attaching himself to you. 72. And now we should examine judgment. Some people, strangely (not to say impudently) enough, “wish to have as a friend the sort of person they themselves are incapable of being.” 14 Such people are those who are impatient with their friends’ minor transgressions, who rebuke them sternly and, because they lack good judgment, neglect important matters while arousing themselves against trivialities. They confuse everything because they have no notion of the proper place, or the right time, or the persons who should or should not be privy to such matters. For this reason, you should test the judgment of the one you choose as a friend; otherwise, if you form a bond of friendship with one who is shortsighted and imprudent, you may find that you have to deal with daily disputes and quarrels. The Test of a Friend’s Good Judgement and Patience (3.72−73)

14 Cicero, On Friendship , 22.82.