Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 6: Testing Spiritual Friends (Book 3.39–75)

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Discussion Questions

Aelred believed in the principle that “all truth is God’s truth.” He was not afraid to use truth found in pagan writers like Cicero. One example

is that when a friendship needs to be ended, it “should be unstitched little by little” so as to preserve as much of the friendship as possible (3.41). What principles about friendship can you learn from today’s world? What wisdom can be gleaned from literature, psychology, neuroscience, sociology, film, or other places about lasting friendship?

What do you think about Aelred’s practical suggestions about how to test a friend’s loyalty in 3.65–66? Have you ever tested a friend’s

loyalty to see if you could rely on him or her?

Aelred explains that spiritual friendship includes four things: love, affection, security, and delight” (3.51). Love is the foundation

of all relationships for a Christian, but spiritual friendship especially includes affection, security, and delight. Aelred explains that “affection” means an “inner pleasure” in your friend, “security” means that you can trust your friend with your heart’s secrets, and “delight” means that there is a joyful meeting of minds about all kinds of things. Where have you felt these three emotions in a friendship? Where have you experienced friendships with these kinds of feelings?