Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 7: Accepting and Enjoying Spiritual Friends (Book 3.76–97)

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Spiritual FriendshipMakes Two People into Equals (3.90−91) 90. Besides, it is a strong point of friendship that the superior becomes equal to the inferior. For often those who are lower in rank, class, dignity, or knowledge are received into friendship by those who outstrip them in some way. In these cases, it is proper for them to despise and to count as nothing, as mere vanity, whatever qualities come from sources other than nature. Instead, they should be mindful of the beauty of friendship, which is not decked out with silks and gems, nor enlarged by possessions or fattened with expensive delicacies, not praised with high honors or inflated with dignities. And so, returning to the principle of the origin of friendship, they should scrutinize the equality given by nature rather than the baubles which greed afford to mortals. 91. So also in friendship, which is the best gift of both nature and grace, the exalted come down and the lowly climb in status; the wealthy become poor and the poor abound in wealth ( 1 Sam 2:7–8; Luke 2:52–53 ); and so each partner shares his state with his friend, with the result that there is equality between them, as Scripture says: “Whoever gathered much had nothing left over, and whoever gathered little had no lack” (Exod 16:18; 2 Cor 8:15). Therefore you should never give yourself preference over your friend; and if by chance you should happen to be your friend’s superior in any of those areas I just mentioned, then you should not hesitate to submit yourself to your friend all the more, to show your trust in him and to praise him if he is bashful, and to confer all the more honor upon him to the degree that his condition or poverty dictates that he should be without honor.