Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

152

Spiritual Friendship

in whose arguments there is great authority, since we neither doubt their good faith nor suspect them of flattery.

Spiritual Friends Correct One Another (3.104−109) 104. One friend should therefore attempt to persuade another only of what is honorable, safe, palpable, and free. Nor should friends only be admonished but they should also be corrected, if there is need. Although the truth is painful to some, if hatred comes from it (as the saying has it, “Indulgence begets friends, but truth begets hatred, although this indulgence is far more harmful, since by being gentle toward sins one allows a friend to fall headlong into great danger”)—although, as I say, the truth is painful to some, a friend is most blameworthy and hence especially to be corrected, if he scorns the truth and by his indulgence and gentleness compels the other friend into fault. 6 In all things we should preserve moderation, not because we ought to be sweetly indulgent of our friends’ faults, but so that our admonitions be without bitterness and our corrections be without abuse. 105. However, in being indulgent and gentle, we should exercise a certain pleasing and honorable friendliness; but flattery, that nursemaid of vice, ought to be far removed from our gentleness: it is unworthy not only of a friend, but also of a free man. But if one is completely deaf to the truth, such that he simply cannot hear the truth from his friend, then we must despair of his salvation. 106. Therefore, as Ambrose says, If you discover any fault in a friend, correct him in private; if he will not listen to you, correct him again. For there is

6 Terence, Andria , 68.