Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

how can he love another, since he ought to order the love with which he loves his neighbor by its similarity to the love which makes him dear to himself ( Matt 22:39 )? However, he who demands from himself or orders himself to commit any shameful or dishonorable deed does not really love himself. 129. The first task, therefore, is for each partner in a friendship to make himself morally clean, indulging himself in nothing which is indecent, withholding himself from nothing which is beneficial to this end. By truly loving himself thus, and following this rule, he loves his neighbor also. But because this sort of love joins many people together, he should choose from among them those whom he can admit to the secrets of friendship according to familiar custom, upon whom he can bestow his affection freely, laying bare his heart even to the point of revealing his innermost heart and marrow—that is, the thoughts and intentions of his soul. 130. However, a friend should be chosen not according to the desires of affection, but according to the insight of reason, from the similarity of the friend’s character and from a contemplation of his virtues. Then let him so devote himself to his friend that all flightiness is absent, and all joy is present; nor should the expected duties or favors of good will and Christian love be missing, either. And after this, let a friend’s good faith be tested, as well as his honesty and patience. Little by little there should come about a sharing of counsels, an application to common pursuits, and a certain conformity of expression. 131. For thus friends should conform to themselves, that immediately when they see each other, even the likeness