Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 8: Giving and Receiving between Spiritual Friends (Book 3.97–134)

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Discussion Questions

Aelred is a realist in that he believes the fallenness and finitude of our present state prevents us from being spiritual friends with all people. But the final sentence in Spiritual Friendship (3.134) points to a different situation in the future. Aelred is looking forward to the time “when this friendship to which we here admit only a few is poured out over all, and is poured out by all in turn upon God, and when God is “all in all” (1 Cor 15:28).” Have you thought much about the kind of friendships we will enjoy in heaven? If not, what do you think those friendships will be like? What do you think Aelred would say about the joy of the friendships we will experience in heaven?

Aelred says that it is very harmful to a friendship if there is not “one purse” between the two (3.99). Do you agree with him on this point?

Do you think it was easier for him to live “with one purse” than it is for you and your friends? Do you agree that Aelred’s claim is true for friends in a marriage covenant? In what other friendships might Aelred’s claim hold true? Where would it not work?

How would you feel if you had the opportunity to give a promotion to a friend, but he or she was not as well qualified as

a different candidate? What emotions would you feel? Would you find Aelred’s advice on how to deal with this situation helpful (3.114−118)?