Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

these findings about concentric circles and explain that all earthly relationships are limited by human fallenness or sin and human finitude, or the amount of time and energy humans can invest in friendships. Due to these limitations, Aelred encouraged serious disciples to carefully choose, test, accept and enjoy their friends (3.8). 5 Aelred’s insistence on careful consideration of who we make a “guardian of our soul” is wise, and it opens the door to an important principle of spiritual friendship—we need to prioritize our relational networks by developing intentional and thoughtful habits. One way to develop these habits is through stewarding oikos spheres of relationships. In an important book on kingdom citizenship, Don Davis describes “the oikos factor” as one of “the [six] most fundamental concepts . . . necessary to Christian discipleship and ministry.” 6 Do not be surprised if the word oikos is new; it is a Greek word important in New Testament vocabulary and often translated “house” or “household.” It also provides the root for English words like “economics” and “economy.” Davis defines the idea of oikos as an “entire network of relationships that we have in our immediate and extended families, our friendships, those connected to our web of contacts and associations.” 7 For Davis, carefully stewarding and intentionally engaging the oikos factor is a central principle of kingdom citizenship. God calls all disciples to be wise stewards of our various social circles and spheres of relationships. 5 References to Spiritual Friendship are noted parenthetically by book and paragraph number. 6 Don Davis, Get Your Pretense On! Living as an Ambassador of the Kingdom of God (Wichita, KS: The Urban Ministry Institute, 2018), 16. 7 Ibid., 138.