Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

Like King David, Jesus modeled a diverse group of friendships, although Jesus broadened his friendship circles beyond King David’s in order to include many women. Even today, Jesus is willing to call “friend” any disciple who obeys his commandments (John 15:14). Figure 2 reveals that Jesus, while on earth and limited by human finitude, chose to prioritize his relational energy in an intentional way. 8 His first relational priority was growing in his intimate friendship with his Father in heaven through the Holy Spirit (Matt 3:13−17). But looking at Jesus’ earthly relationships, we see Jesus strategically prioritizing relationships. In Dunbar’s language: (1) Jesus had an intimate friend (“the beloved,” John 21:20); (2) three especially close friends (Matt 17:1; Mark 5:37; 13:3; 14:33); (3) a group of best friends including Mary Magdalene (John 20:11−18), Mary, Lazarus, and Martha (John 11:1−44), and the other twelve disciples (Matt 12:1−4); (4) a larger group of good friends (“the seventy,” Luke 10:2); (5) an even larger group of friends including Nicodemus, Joseph of Arimathea and the 120 (John 19:38−39; Acts 1:15); 8 Countless students of Scripture have commented on Jesus’ prioritizing of relationships. I first remember learning about it from Issler, Wasting TimeWith God , 57−58. Until recently, I thought of Jesus’ relational prioritization as concentric circles (as illustrated by Dunbar’s circles of intimacy). A chapel message at Taylor University (February 15, 2021) by Kathy Chamberlain suggested a relationship pyramid which may be more helpful pastorally, and I have adapted her idea as presented here.