Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Resources for Application

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priority, and while we are a trinitarian people, we are more accurately described as “Christocentric-Trinitarian.” 10 Second, the idea of “covenantal friends” has implications for both married and single followers of Christ. For those who are married, we are invited to be spiritual friends with our spouse. Aelred’s opening line in Spiritual Friendship , “Here we are, you and I, and I hope that Christ makes a third with us,” (1.1) applies not only to same-sex friendships, but also to all Christian marriages. Flourishing Christian marriages work to remain mindful of the loving presence of Christ within their home. The spouses recognize that their spiritual friendship gladly includes Jesus as a mutual third friend. But we also must recognize that deeply committed friendships are not limited to Christian marriage. In the Bible we find examples of highly committed same-sex friendships between friends like David and Jonathan, Ruth and Naomi, and Jesus and the Apostle John. In addition to Aelred’s examples, countless more recent examples of close male friendships could be cited including Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Eberhard Bethge or Sir John Finch and Sir Thomas Baines among many others. 11 Of the many examples of female friendship from the history of the church, consider the three-decade long friendship between Henrietta Mears and Charlotte Atwater. 12 Mears’ friendship 10 For more on God’s people as “Christocentric-Trinitarian” see: Uche Anizor and Hank Voss, Representing Christ: A Vision for the Priesthood of All Believers (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2016), 88−103. 11 See further Wesley Hill, Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos, 2015). 12 Andrea Van Boven, A Little Drop of Love: Henrietta Mears, How She Helped Change a Generation and You Can Too (Eugene, OR: Wipf and Stock, 2020), 117−20.