Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 2: The Definition and Origin of Spiritual Friendship (Book 1.31–71)

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by degree are still close to each other by a similarity they may share. So widowhood is a near neighbor to virginity, and marital sexual faithfulness to widowhood; i and although there are great differences between these virtues in that with respect to which they are virtues, there is some degree of conformity among them. 66. And so it cannot be said that marital sexual faithfulness is not a virtue simply because the abstinence of a widow exceeds it; indeed, sanctified singleness from youth is preferable to both marital sexual faithfulness and abstinent widowhood, but even so it does not render either of the other virtues worthless. ii So if you carefully examine the things we have said about friendship, you will find that friendship is so close to wisdom, or even filled with wisdom, that I would almost say that friendship is nothing else but wisdom. 67. IVO: I must confess that I am at a loss, and I do not think that you can easily persuade me that your view is correct. 68. AELRED: Don’t you remember that Scripture says, “A friend loves at all times” (Prov 17:17)? And if I remember correctly Jerome also says, “Friendship which can end was never true friendship.” 14 I have already showed more than sufficiently that friendship cannot even exist without love. Therefore, since eternity thrives in friendship, and truth shines forth in it, and love likewise becomes pleasant through friendship, you be the judge whether you should separate the name of wisdom from these three.

14 Jerome, Letter , 3.6.