Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 3: The Advantages and Excellence of Spiritual Friendship (Book 2.1–27)

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agreeableness, which elicits and joins together the affection of those who kiss. 24. So we might talk of different kinds of kisses: the kiss of the “flesh,” the kiss of the “spirit,” and the kiss of “understanding.” v A kiss of the flesh is made by a pressing together of lips, while a kiss of the spirit is made by a coming together of two souls, and the kiss of understanding results from the outpouring of grace through the spirit of God. vi The kiss of the flesh is to be neither offered nor received, except for definite and honorable reasons—for example, as a sign of reconciliation, in place of words, when two people who had been mutual enemies become friends ( Luke 23:12 ); or as a sign of peace, as when those who are about to partake of communion in church show their inner peace by means of an external kiss; or as a sign of affection, such as is permitted to happen between a husband and wife, or such as is offered and accepted by friends who have long been apart; or as a sign of catholic unity, such as when a guest is received. 16 25. But just as many people abuse water, fire, iron, food, and air, which are naturally good, and convert them into a means of protecting their own cruelty and lust, so the shameful and perverse strive, after a fashion, to season their own disgraceful acts even with the kiss of the flesh, 16 The early church greeted one another with kisses on the lips (1 Cor 16:20; 2 Cor 13:12; 1 Thess 5:26). The “holy kiss” (Rom 16:16) or “kiss of love” (1 Pet 5:14) emphasized that believers were all members of one family. Some scholars today argue along similar lines to Aelred, stating that the sharing of breath/spirit in a physical kiss was used to symbolize the sharing of the Holy Spirit for the early Christians (Lawrence Phillips, The Ritual Kiss in Early Christian Worship . Cambridge: Grove, 1996).