Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 4: The Advantages and Excellence of Spiritual Friendship (Book 2.28–72)

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43. AELRED: I do not define the “good” so closely—or, as Cicero said, “I do not go into that too deeply”—like those who maintain that no one is good except that person who lacks nothing in perfection. 6 We say that a good person is the one who, according to the way of our mortal flesh, lives a “self-controlled, upright, and godly [life] in the present age” (Titus 2:12), and desires to seek nothing dishonorable from anyone at all, nor to perform a dishonorable deed when asked. Indeed, we do not doubt that among such people friendships arise, by such people it is preserved, and in such people it is perfected. 44. And those who place themselves at the disposal of their friends’ whims, even excepting either faith, or danger to their homeland, or unjust harm to another person—I would call these people not so much fools as insane: although they spare others, they do not spare themselves, and although they look out for the reputations of others, they unfortunately betray their own reputations. Spiritual Friendship Is Costly and Some Are Not Willing to Pay the Price (2.45−48). 45. WALTER: I am just about to adopt the opinion of those Stoics who say that friendship should be avoided, that it is a thing full of cares and concerns, certainly not lacking in fear, and liable also to many griefs. For they say that, since it should be enough and more for each person to care for his own affairs, one is careless to obligate himself to others in such a way that he must be involved in many cares and be afflicted with many bothersome matters.

6 Ibid., 5.18.