Healing the Wounds of Trauma

the pain. This is dangerous, because if we do not grieve a loss when it happens, the grief will stay in us. It will not go away and it can cause problems for many years. C. Beliefs about weeping can keep us from grieving. Some cultures require people to cry publicly when someone dies. Those who don’t cry are suspected of not caring about the person who died, or of having caused the death. This can result in people crying dramatically, whether they feel sad or not. Other cultures do not allow people, especially men, to cry. This can result in people holding their grief inside rather than letting it out. God has designed us to cry or weep when we are sad. These are ways we express our feelings and let our pain out. Weeping can be an important part of grieving, for men as well as women. Even Jesus wept when his close friend Lazarus died (Jn 11.33–38a). The psalm- ists wept (Ps 6.6; 39.12; 42.3), as did the prophets (Is 22.4; Jr 9.1). Ecclesiastes 3.4 says there is a time to weep. God notices our tears; they are precious to him (Is 38.3–5). People should not hold their tears inside, nor should they cry just for show. As much as possible, they should let their tears flow naturally. Sometimes the sadness comes at unexpected moments, even months after the loss. Job was a wealthy man with a large family. In an instant, he lost everything: his children, his cattle, his wealth, his health. When his friends heard about Job’s problems, they came to comfort him. They sat in silence with him for a week before speaking. Then Job broke the silence by expressing his pain. His friends were quick to point out his lack of faith (Job 4.3–6), and that his suffering was due to his sins and the sins of his children (Job 4.7–8). Although Job claimed he had not sinned, they were sure that if he were innocent God would not have let this happen (Job 8.6–8; 11.2–4; 22.21–30).They accused him over and over to try to get him to confess. Finally Job says, “Miserable 5. How can we help those who are grieving? A. The example of Job’s comforters

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What Happens When Someone Is Grieving?