Healing the Wounds of Trauma

of the counselor, and then take out their rage on the victim once at home. • Why stay? Ask victims, “Why do you stay in the relationship?” Don’t pressure them to leave, but talk about the negative things in the relationship as well. Help them recognize the cycle of abuse. Pictures may helpmore than logic. For example, explain how elephants are trained to obey their masters: The master ties the elephant to the ground with a chain and stake. The elephant learns that she cannot go anywhere. Then the trainer can remove the chain and the elephant does not even try to get away. She still thinks she is chained to the ground. Victims can become like that, thinking they cannot leave their abusers, when really they can break free.

• See effects: Victims need to see the effects the violence is having on themand their family. If there are religious or cultural values that encourage the victim to remain in an abusive relationship, these need to be addressed. • Not their fault: Help victims understand that the abuse is not their fault; it is the fault of the abuser. God sees what is happening (Ps 10). Only the abuser can change his or her behavior. • Set boundaries: Victims can set boundaries for what they will tolerate, such as, “If ever you hurt the children again, I will tell the pastor,” or “we will leave.” They can practice their responses so they are prepared.

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Domestic Abuse