Onesimus Workbook

54 • T HE O NESIMUS W ORKSHOP : W ELCOMING F ORMER P RISONERS INTO THE L IFE OF THE C HURCH

In hindsight I missed the turn when I began to care more about what people thought about me than what I was actually doing in my life. My focus became about what I thought others were thinking about me – rather than just doing my very best to do the next right thing. My mind ran round and round, and I forgot the lessons that had been beaten into me by life, in prison, and my search for God. I was back to relying on my own broken thinking. After a serious relapse I knew I had to find a way to really stay on track. Lots of us go off the path many times. The real deal is to stay on it when the going gets tough and uncertain. I moved into a halfway house. I began to see that my troubles are about me and not about how the world treated me. I saw that I needed to put real effort into getting positive results if I wanted any. For most of my life I’d found ways of manipulating people to build the life that I wanted. I was always more interested in looking good than doing good. I saw that attitude had to stop. What happened to Dan is a great example of the complicated challenges of reentry, and how tough it can be for many of us trying to survive spiritually on the outside. It isn’t just Dan’s story; nearly all of us have a story dealing with our own case of “short-timer’s disease,” unrealistic expectations, a lack of careful planning and communication, the awkward experience to adapting to life on the outside, and the sobering realization that life is wonderful, but hard.