Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

we ourselves may avoid those persons who ought never to be taken into our circle of friends. 22. AELRED: Don’t listen to me, but hear the voice of Scripture: “One who reviles a friend destroys a friendship. Even if you draw your sword against a friend, do not despair, for there is a way back. If you open your mouth against your friend, do not worry, for reconciliation is possible” (Sir 22:20–22). Consider what the Scripture is saying. If by chance your friend is overcome by anger and draws his sword, or if he grieves you by something he

says, or if he withdraws himself from you for a time as though he no longer loves you, or if he sometimes prefers his own counsel to yours, or if he disagrees with you on some idea or dispute, you should not think that your friendship should be ended just because of these things.

Five Habits That Destroy Friendship (1) Slander (23) (2) Reviling a Friend (24) (3) Arrogance (24) (4) Betraying Secrets (24-25) (5) Backstabbing (25)

23. “For there is reconciliation with a friend,” as Scripture says, “with the exception of slander, impropriety, pride, the betrayal of confidences, and backstabbing. In all these instances, a friend will flee.” (Sir 22:22). 7 Therefore, we should consider these five reasons, lest we bind ourselves with the fetters of friendship to those who fall prey to these vices either by the fury of anger or some other passion. 7 Protestant Christians would not agree with Aelred that Sirach is Scripture, but rather would call it a spiritual classic. Aelred appears to be reading from a variant reading of Sirach 22:22. Modern translations of Sirach 22:22 list four, not five, reasons for breaking off a friendship: “But as for reviling, arrogance, disclosure of secrets, or a treacherous blow—in these cases any friend will take to flight.”