Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

100. When Boaz noticed the poverty of Ruth the Moabite, he spoke to her as she was gleaning behind his harvesters; he consoled her, he invited her to eat with his servants, and he honestly spared her feelings by ordering his harvesters intentionally to leave behind some ears of grain, which she could glean without shame ( Ruth 2:8–9 ). So we also should discretely discover the needs of our friends and anticipate their requests by doing them favors, meanwhile giving in such a way that he who receives the favor appears to be doing the good deed, rather than he who does the favor. 2 How Does Friendship Work When You Have Nothing Material to Give? (3.100−103) WALTER: But we are permitted neither to receive nor to give away possession; how will this grace of spiritual friendship hold among us? 3 101. AELRED: The wise man says that “men would lead the happiest life if they would get rid of these two words, ‘my’ and ‘your.’” 4 It is certain that a sanctified poverty offers much soundness to spiritual friendship, for although greed is destructive to friendship, once friendship is born it is certainly more easily preserved to the extent that the heart is found to be more pure of that contagion. However, there are other benefits in spiritual love, with which friends 2 Aelred implies that Boaz and Ruth were friends. This was a revolutionary idea in the ancient world where many did not believe it was possible for men and women to be friends. 3 Walter, Gratian, and Aelred were members of a Benedictine community of Christian disciples who had taken a vow of poverty that prevented them from owning personal property. See Peters, Becoming a Community of Disciples for more information about this commitment. 4 Pseudo-Seneca, Monita , 97.