Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

108. You should even search out the quality of your friend’s heart, for there are some people who benefit from gentleness, and such friends as these give assent to a gentle correction rather freely. But there are others who will consider nothing of this sort of correction, whom it is easier to correct with a blow or a word. In short, one friend should so conform and adapt himself to another that he fits in well with his friend’s disposition ( Rom 12:15; 1 Thess 5:14 ); and just as we should aid a friend in times of external adversity, we should hasten to his aid all the more quickly in times of spiritual hardship. Therefore, just as mutual admonition is proper in friendship, so also it is proper in friendship for one to administer admonition freely, not harshly, and for the other to receive it patiently, not unwillingly. This rulemust hold, that there is no greater plague in friendship than flattery and ingratiating behavior. 9 These are the traits of flighty and deceitful men, those who say everything to please their audience and nothing for the sake of truth. 109. So there should be no hesitation among friends, no deceit, which is the failing most repugnant to friendship. Therefore, we owe a friend “the truth, without which the name of friendship cannot prevail.” 10 The holy David said, “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head” (Ps 141:5). A clever liar provokes the anger of God, and so the Lord says through the prophet, “O my people, your guides mislead you and they have swallowed up the course of your paths” (Isa 3:12). As Solomon said, “With his

9 Cicero, On Friendship , 25.91. 10 Ibid., 25.92.