Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

117. For this reason no one should say that he is despised because he has not received advancement: although the Lord Jesus preferred Peter to John in this matter, he did not therefore withdraw his affection from John just because he had given Peter the place of authority among the disciples. To Peter he commended the church, to John he entrusted his dearest mother ( John 19:26–27; 21:15–17 ). To Peter he gave the keys of his kingdom, for John he saved the secrets of his heart ( Matt 16:19; John 13:23 ). Therefore, Peter was given a higher rank, but John was more secure. Peter, then, was endowed with authority when Jesus said, “One of you will betray me,” while John, leaning on Jesus’ bosom, was made the bolder, when he asked at Peter’s signal who would betray him (John 13:21–25). Therefore, Peter is set forth for action, while John is reserved for affection, because Jesus said, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is it to you?” (John 21:22). For he has given us an example, that we ourselves should do likewise ( John 13:15 ). 13 118. We should show our friends whatever love, favor, sweetness, and Christian love we can; but let us impose these empty honors and burdens only upon those whom reason dictates, knowing that a man never truly loves his friend if his friend does not suffice without enriching him with these low and contemptible honors besides. However, we should take special caution lest a rather tender affection “impede a greater utility,” such as would happen when we wish neither to estrange nor to burden those whom we embrace with greater Christian love, when we see that there is obviously a great hope of richer fruit. 14

13 Aelred paraphrases John 13:15 here. 14 Cicero, On Friendship , 20.75.