Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Resources for Application

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Human limitations prevent us from writing eulogies for all friends, but perhaps thinking about a eulogy for one or two spiritual friends would be a way to deepen your spiritual friendship. A Final Word about Developing Spiritual Friendships as a Spiritual Discipline This soul work and soul care appendix provides one answer to the question, “so what?” How do we take Aelred’s teaching about spiritual friendship and develop our own spiritual friendships? It began with a discussion of the importance of Christian leaders learning to intentionally become good stewards of their oikos circles of relationship, and then looked at King David and King Jesus as examples of biblical leaders who practiced a prioritized pyramid of relational investment. Neither David nor Jesus treated all around them equally when it came to intimate friendship. They recognized that good spiritual stewardship of oikos networks leads leaders to consciously invest their time, energy, affections, and resources in a small and selective set of prioritized relationships. Like all spiritual disciplines, it is important to remember that the activity of spiritual friendship does not earn us a more intimate relationship with God. Rather, the spiritual discipline postures us so as to receive God’s grace and self-revelation in increased measure. 34 Ultimately, growth in our relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is a gift of grace.

34 “God has ordained the disciplines of the spiritual life as the means by which we place ourselves where he can bless us” (Richard J. Foster, Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth [San Francisco: Harper, 1998], 7).