Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

Once we recognize the need to invest time and energy into relationships with people we trust to guard our souls, then we need practical and proven strategies to practice spiritual friendship as a spiritual discipline. Five strategies were suggested above, and these five are not the only ones available. Whatever strategy you use, remember two things. First, spiritual friendship is a gift from God, and it must be received as a gift. Second, begin now to be intentional about pursuing spiritual friendships with people in your oikos circles. Be warned, however, that the pursuit of spiritual friendship is like any good gift from God; it can be twisted by the world, the flesh, and the Devil. Some Christian communities considered Aelred’s teaching on the nurturing of spiritual friendship to be so dangerous that they banned his book. 35 Consider these four potential dangers. First, spiritual friendships are always in danger of becoming self-focused instead of Christ-focused. When they fall to this temptation they become possessive, exclusive and unhealthy in various ways. A second example can be seen in both the classical and Christian traditions where many thought it either impossible or too dangerous, for men and women to be friends. Some, with a slightly more positive view, suggest that only married men and women can be friends, but beyond the marriage covenant, no cross-sex friendships are possible. Aelred would disagree with both of these fear-based approaches to Christian friendship between the sexes, pointing to the many examples from Christian history of men and women who had healthy and beautiful spiritual friendships

35 McGuire, Friendship & Community , 331.