Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

15. AELRED: Perhaps by “good will” he means the mental emotion of friendship, and by “affection” he means the expression of friendship in deeds. For each party in his own mind ought to esteem the same things—that is, their unanimity should be agreeable and dear to them; moreover, their subsequent actions in external matters ought to be well meaning and pleasant. 16. IVO: I confess that this definition pleases me; my only objection to it is that this definition is valid for both pagans and Jews, and even bad Christians as well. However, I must admit that I am persuaded that true friendship cannot exist among those who are without Christ. 17. AELRED: Whether Cicero’s definition is lacking in any respect, or goes too far in another direction, will become clear enough for our purposes in what comes later. We will either reject it as insufficient, or accept it as requiring no further addition. Still, although the definition seems less than perfect to you, from it you will be able to understand in some way what friendship is. 18. IVO: I hope that I will not burden you, if I say that I will not be satisfied with this definition unless you reveal for me the true meaning of the word “friendship.” 19. AELRED: I will grant you this favor, provided you forgive my ignorance and do not compel me to teach what I do not know. The word “friend” [ amicus ] is derived from “love” [ amor ], as it seems to me; and “friendship” [ amicitia ] is derived from “friend.” 8 However, love is an affection of the rational mind through which the mind seeks something for itself with desire and

8 Cicero, On Friendship , 8.24.