Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 4: The Advantages and Excellence of Spiritual Friendship (Book 2.28–72)

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rightly spurred me on to examine the fruits of friendship more closely. Since we have been sufficiently taught on this point, we are seeking to set up for ourselves a sure goal for this inquiry, the question of how far friendship ought to progress, since different people hold different opinions on this matter. For there are some who believe that a friend must be favored above faith, above honesty, above the public and private good; others believe that only faith should be removed from this list, and that, compared to friendship, the other matters are not to be worried over. 30. Still others believe that, for the sake of a friend, one should spurn money, eschew honors, endure the enmity of those in high places; they even believe that one should not avoid exile for the sake of a friend, and in matters in which one’s homeland is not opposed or in which another person is not wrongly harmed, they believe that they must support a friend even in disgraceful and shameful circumstances. Also, there are those who establish this goal for friendship, that each person act with regard to a friend as he would act with regard to himself. 2 31. Some people believe that they satisfy the demands of friendship if they repay a friend in turn for every benefit or favor rendered by the friend. But as for me, I am persuaded by our discussion that none of these limits must be granted. So I desire from you some indication of a sure goal for friendship, especially because of Gratian here, lest by chance

2 This last goal could be called “the golden rule”: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matt 7:12). Other versions of this basic rule of friendship can be found in Lev 19:34; Luke 6:31; 10:25−28; Gal 5:14; and Rom 13:9. See also versions in the Apocrypha like Tob 4:15 and Sir 31:15.