Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

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Spiritual Friendship

Walter and Gratian agree that spiritual friendship is valuable, but they wonder how to distinguish spiritual friendships from lesser versions of friendship (2.54−56). Aelred then describes “childish friendships” (2.57−59) and “business” or transactional friendships (2.60−63). Both kinds of lesser friendship fall short of spiritual friendship, which Aelred describes as friendship “completely centered upon God” (2.61). This second conversation concludes with a summary (2.64−69) and then previews the topics to be discussed in the final conversation (2.70−72). Text Gratian Begins to Understand the Difference between Fleshly Friendship and Spiritual Friendship (2.28) 28. GRATIAN: I can see that friendship of this type is not common, nor are we accustomed even to dream of it being as you describe it. I do not know what Walter here has thought up to this point, but I always believed friendship to be nothing other than the identity of wills between two people, such that the one wishes nothing which the other does not wish; but so great is the agreement between the two on matters of good and evil that neither spirit, nor social status, nor honor, nor anything else that belongs to the one is denied to the other for his enjoyment and use, as he wishes. 1 How Far Is “Too Far”: The Limits of a Friendship? (2.29−32) 29. WALTER: I remember that I learned quite otherwise in the earlier dialogue, where the very definition of friendship was proposed and explained; it was this definition that

1 Gratian is describing the “fleshly friendship.” See Aelred’s description in Spiritual Friendship , 1.40.