Spiritual Friendship: Learning to Be Friends with God and One Another

Chapter 5 Choosing Spiritual Friends (Book 3.1–38)

Chapter Summary Do you think a Christian leader should be very careful and intentional about choosing a spiritual friend? In this third, longest, and most practical instruction on spiritual friendship (Book 3), we find Aelred’s answer to this pressing question. Aelred’s conversation with Walter and Gratian is direct, personal, and practical. He begins by restating the difference between love and spiritual friendship. Christians are called to love everyone, but they can only be spiritual friends with a few (3.2−4). He emphasizes again that the only foundation for spiritual friendship is the mutual love of God (3.5−7). Aelred then introduces a practical outline of how to develop spiritual friendships with four wise steps: (1) choosing, (2) testing, (3) accepting, and (4) enjoying friends (3.8−13). The first step is “choosing a spiritual friend,” and the rest

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